My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings – my brother. Whatever subject you want, I have a joke on it. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. It just helps you look for it in more places.”, “We inherit a lot from our parents: mom’s eyes, dad’s chin, and the attitude of whichever parent isn’t punishing you at the moment.
Valentine’s Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals.
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been by far; for a might-have-been has never been, but a has-been was once an are.”, “When opportunity doesn't knock, create a door”, “The only place success comes before is in the dictionary”, “I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are', because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star.
June 25, 2020. Milton Berle Quotes When one thinks of Milton Berle, his sense of humor along with a powerful smile comes to mind instantly.
The board is afraid of the parents. Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list.”, “All my wife wanted for Valentine’s Day was a little card – American Express.”, “Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs – is that a promise or a threat?”, “It was a tough school.
You’re aging when your actions creak louder than your words. The human brain is special. More Milton Berle quotes : If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now.
My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne – Eau de Owe. The kids on the debating team took steroids!”, “In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn’t say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.”. A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step?
Not one of them is on my son’s list.”, “Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.”, “The human brain is special. Read Milton Berle biography.
Quotes.net. Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter. Explore some of Milton Berle best quotations and sayings on Quotes.net -- such as 'I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. My wife and I have a perfect understanding.
It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school.”, “Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.”, “I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side? 87 – Milton Berle profile quotes. If you want to know more or withdraw your consent to all or some of the cookies, please refer to the. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he’s working.
I feel ten years older already. 8 2 Milton Berle. Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it. All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
It just helps you look for it in more places. I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run mine. Born On: July 12, 1908. 23 quotes from Milton Berle: 'If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door', 'If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size. Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs – is that a promise or a threat? Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far for a might have-been has …
https://www.quotes.net/authors/Milton+Berle+Quotes. Recommend to friends. Source; Report... Bagel—A doughnut dipped in cement, a Jewish brass-knuckle. 116 quotes. My son asked for very little – a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
In this past Sunday’s NYTimes City Section there was a cover story about the venerable Friars’ Club. Every day we present the best quotes! "Biography/ Personal Quotes". Known to many around the world as “Uncle Milton” and “Mr. All of those things we have our mom’s to thank for.“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”. (There is also a letter-to-the-editor and an FYI question by yours truly, but enough about me.) Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it’s the kids who have to do all the work.
March 2002. The fact is I was a star long before television. The children are afraid of nothing! Ovary 31 books view quotes : Dec 08, 2017 04:02PM .
"Milton Berle Quotes." Milton Berle quotes. "The problem with life is, by the time..."
Television” , the American comedian and actor, was a household name during TV’s Golden age phase.
I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine. What TV made me is unemployed. Friends Who Liked This Quote. Committee – a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
Welcome back. Who says you can't get killed by a blank? A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name. The children are afraid of nothing!”, “It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!”, “My son really has the spirit of Valentine’s Day. It just helps you look for it in more places. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”. My wife and I have a perfect understanding.
People say I owe a lot to television. As the host of NBC's Texaco Star Theater , he was the first major American television star and was known to millions of viewers as "Uncle Miltie" and "Mr. Television" during TV's golden age. And I didn’t. Explore some of Milton Berle best quotations and sayings on Quotes.net -- such as 'I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. The board is afraid of the parents.
It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school. Don't miss out on our next weekly batch. Quotations by Milton Berle, American Comedian, Born July 12, 1908. There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. The parents are afraid of the children.
It was a tough school. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.”, “When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
The Post Office is very careful nowadays. I think he was right. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”, “Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.”, “I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
0. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been' by far; for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.”, “A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.”, “Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.”, “We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.”, “You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.”, “You don't need to travel, laughter is an instant vacation”, “I know why superman left krypton. 0. Web. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.”, “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.”, “Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it’s the kids who have to do all the work.”, “I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. June 24, 2020. Home My Books Have we run out of human beings?”-- Milton Berle .
Born In: New York City, New York, U.S. Died At Age: 93. Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. No, he answers, I hit every one of them! User Rating: 5 ( 1 votes) Milton Berle. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. Start your week with a motivational kick. I think he was right. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, This website or its third-party tools use cookies, which are necessary to its functioning and required to achieve the purposes illustrated in the cookie policy. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. Santa is having a tough time this year. There’s a difference between being a comic and a comedian.
My son really has the spirit of Valentine’s Day. www.imdb.com.
Milton Berle. Money can’t buy you happiness. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. The company accountant is shy and retiring. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer. #Money “Why are we honoring this man? Known to many around the world as “Uncle Milton” and “Mr.
Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape.
Share. I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. Share this quote: Like Quote. That’s what your brother did to us last year.”. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list. The little bit of work I do won’t be noticed !!!”. — Milton Berle “ My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. You give them a grand – and they feel glorious.”, “My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.”, “A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? Faiza 712 books view quotes : Aug 16, 2017 01:00AM. If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious. The Friars is a NYC-based organization of (mostly) comedians.
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