I am a retired therapist (10 years). I have the same problem. My husband and I both cry off and on at all different times of day. He is fluent in Japanese and always wanted to live there, at least for a while. I dont think I will never get over this and that’s okay. I know how your heart is feeling, truly do. How lucky are we that we enjoy our kid that much! I have tried to figure it out, these are some ideas I’ve thrown around: I had bad postpartum depression with his mom, her and I have always been very close, I had a bad miscarriage after her then had to have a total hysterectomy due to endometriosis (wanted more know da but God had other plans), her baby looks exactly like her when she was that age, I bonded too much with him while they lived here, afraid his dad is trying to take them further away from us. I put a full stop to that thinking when it happens because I don’t really know about the future.
It just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I am a single Dad whose wife left three years ago. But, as I’ve learned, a mom’s life is full of surprises. As grandparents we are just not in the loop anymore. I felt the same way a few years ago. My only support I ever felt I had was my mother and she is 93 and in hospice. He is by himself until his girlfriend/roommate gets back in a couple of days. I even woke up crying around 2 am and again at 6. I cant see how therapy could help this and I dont have any clue on how to get through this. The time difference makes it very difficult to communicate, too. Please take care of yourself, you have a lot to look forward to! Yet, I know that I don’t have that choice. My middle son works in the big city and lives in a tiny apartment 3,000 miles away. I feel exactly y like you, no one to lean on, no husband or boyfriend to take me out on trips or restaurants take me feel better. I know they will be fine, I know I will be fine,and that we’ll stay in constant touch yet I bawl like a baby as the end of our time approaches. I’ve found it very helpful for me in time of personal crisis. I am sad that we have not instilled enough familiy loyalty values in our children. This is the third time she’s been back since she moved and it was harder to say good-bye this time. So….if I went to the exhausting effort of unloading all my world possessions and moved half way around the planet, I’d have to live cold, poor and on my own. I love hearing all these perspectives because I never thought about it from my parents’ perspective. She’s been serving at 2 restaurants and earning good money. I’m usually done crying by the time they or we get home. And now she’s been gone 4 days and it feels like 100. However I will say this, just when I get adjusted, when the time to leave after the visit comes, it’s just so bad afterwards. . For that I am sorry. Try to be accommodating and fair around transportation for your child when they come to visit you. Frieda, I think we all agree that we are blessed to have happy, successful children. Any advice on how I can avoid post-parting depression?
Good luck to you. I was very involved in their school and extracurricular activities. I hope you are doing something to connect with someone. Oldest son came back from college and they are both still here at the moment, but since oldest left for school last fall our marriage has been on the rocks.
We finally get ten days with our oldest and all I can do is think how he’s not my baby anymore. We’re scared to say the wrong thing and leave any tension or read anything into their response. Yes i read your stories…the difference is…you have a spouse to help you…i, on the other hand..have no one to lean on…..thought? Maybe you can have a weekly scheduled chat, that may help you feel more included in their family. I feel uncomfortable being emotional in public. Young parents are just so busy these days, both working and all the children’s activities. But every time I return to England, despite loving the place, I go through a good 2-3 weeks of feeling somewhere between wanting to ugly-cry and wanting to throw up. We are incredibly close, especially my dad and me. My sons and I are very close and I we have worked hard to prepare for this very difficult time.
You should not feel guilty.
It is just to painful.
They are doing well in CA but I miss them so. I know what it entails-seeing her at Christmas and maybe in the summer. Warm wishes to everybody who is finding their way with this. In my ideal life, I’d live around the block from my parents forever and have dinner with them every night. I’m trying to go through a grief process (I use the book “The Courage to Grieve”) but it’s hard to do when I still think it’s possible he WILL come back. She has just recently flew back to the UK as my fiancé and I got married and she was one of our bridesmaids but almost the whole time that she was here it was back to the attitude that she’d had when we visited her. For nearly three decades they are the entire reason we exist and they leave us for school…for love, for adventure, they leave us standing in a doorway watching their tailights in the distance. They want me to simply go back to college, graduate, start a new career at the age of 60 and “forget about the past.” There are some days when I take my medication, go back to bed and wish my son were back living with me. It was big. In my moments of self indulgement… it is the new norm.
It just really hurts every day. Now I am concerned for my husband, who is still extremely weepy. He lives with grandma and she’s getting married next month so she lives with her fiancee. Rather, they don’t have the maturity yet to be that socially aware. Don’t underestimate that either or both parent can feel this same depression and sadness. It’s a whole new chapter and Im not sure I know what to do. Oh well. She would have had to change companies to stay in Phoenix. You’ve got a good method there. Cheri, I know that feeling. The middle son is career missionary. ], Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor, I Will Be Paying It Forward With This Gift to Young Mommies, Three Words That Mean Everything to a New Empty Nest Mom. I just was not ready for him to leave yet I really don’t know why I should even hold on thank you so much for posting ladies Robin, My wife is saddened at times, but I am a dweller, or ruminator and her glass is always half full. My husband refuses to travel anywhere, as he has elderly parents to care for. I don’t know how to tell you how to cope with missing your son. I am work in progress but God is restoring me piece by piece day by day and that is comforting that brings me joy. And it is no easy transition. I scheduled a flight home in March but the coronavirus travel ban made me come back 3 days after arrival for work and not to leave my husband here alone. We first skyped a few times a week, texted almost daily. Big hugs from a stranger in California. I wish I had found someone for me in the past 19 years I’ve been without a partner. Even at the young age of two, his toddler knows that’s his dad on the computer, and his face lights up when he sees him.
Janene, hopefully there is a happy middle ground somewhere in between. Our values are messed up! Why doesn’t it get any easier? Delenee. It hits me like a ton of bricks.
It’s harder because my daughter moved out suddenly last month, at least we had time to prepare with my son. I have not find my tribe here, seeing my kids once a week keeps me going…other than that I work at home, walk my dog and basically don’t connect with others. I have always supported her, loved her, taught her as much as I could, traveled with her, allowed her to become who she is. My son is 16, and his girlfriend's father is keeping them apart. Cooper I’m so glad I read your comment. When you truly love someone, no distance or amount of time can tear you apart. I did that for a week solid and then I think I quit because I had no tears left.
Somebody please just make me believe that there is happiness again after motherhood. I know that she hates coming back to the UK now but even so…. Yes it’s tough when they move away but they should be commended for their ability to fly the coup and spread their wings. No friends or family. This holiday ( as all of them can be) has been brutal, my boys are 32 and 36 and I am so proud of them, but I can’t ever get past not REALLY knowing them any more, they are launched, and that’s healthy and my life should feel full, but I grieve profoundly regularly, it can only be described as grief over that connection to my boys that I will never have again. Good day! I realize that our kids’ dreams aren’t necessarily our dreams. She is actually going to my home state to school, but plans on returning to California upon graduation. I get ALL of these situations.
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